Jokes!

[FiXeR]

lmfao @ both + that joke 

[tomozj]

[tt]A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."[/tt]

[Plugy]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Sorrry i wasnt see that good.. 
lmao gooood job xD

[Fry]

Fry walks into a bar.
He comes home with a horrible headache.

[Reaves]

Guy goes to a western style bar and see's theres a contest.
"Make the horse out front laugh, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, and whispers something in the horses ear.
Horse starts laughing louder then Mr Ed.
Guy has a drink, and takes the jar of money as he leaves.

Next week, same guy comes back, same horse, new contest.
"Make the horse out front cry, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, takes the horse around back, brings the horse around, crying a river.

Guy goes up to the bartender, "i think i win that one!". Bartender asks, aren't you the guy who won last week? You didnt hurt that horse did you?! Guy replies, "Nah, i didnt touch the horse, he's fine". Bartender then asks, "well then tell me, how'd you do it?"
Guy says, "well last week i told him my d**k was bigger then his - this week i showed him."

[tomozj]

hahaha, great!

[Felle]

Good one

[Chan]

Pat and Mick is walking down the road
Pat falls into a hole
"Mick call me an ambulance. im hurt"
Pats an Ambulance, Pats an Ambulance, Pats an Ambulance



3 guys r on a cannibal island. the cannibal leader says bring me 10 of the same types of fruits each. so the 3 men go lookin for fruit. Jay comes back with apples and the cannbal tells him to shove them all up his ass.
"but, but i cant do it!" so Jay gets killed. Joe saw it so he went back and got 10 grapes. "ok shove them up ur ass" so he does it. Joe is on the last one and starts laughing so loud. he gets killed also. They meet up in heaven, Jay says "why did u start laughing?!, u nearly made it!" Joe replys "i started laughing bcuz Kev came back with 10 pineapples"

[mosteeL]

Good stuff guys...

-,- i didn't get it.

I think that was Chris' joke!

[Felle]

Hi, as you may know there used to be a topic where people could post their jokes. That old topic became inactive, and instead of bumping it I thought of creating a new one. You can find the old one here.

So, let's start:

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Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Border Policeman stops them and tells them "It'sa illegal to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Idiot! Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You canta pull thata one on me!" replies the policeman. "Quattro meansa four. You hava five peoples ina your car and you are therefore breaka the law."

The German driver replies angrily, "Schweinhund! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone mit more intelligence!"
"I'ma Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

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A man suspected his wife was seeing another man. He wasn't too rich, and hired a cheap Chinese detective named Chen Lee to spy on his wife. A few days later, he received his report:
MOST HONORABLE SIR: YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE. SHE COMES TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE. I NOT SEE.
NO FEE, CHEN LEE.

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Please respond with comments and your own jokes, I'll post more later as well.