Extreme Metal

[Maka]

Ihsahn - The Barren Lands

Also,

Anything by Iron Maiden, except The X Factor and that one single with no Eddie on the cover.

Celtic Frost is overrated, and Cöld Lake is the only thing of any value they ever did. Monotheist is only liked by traditional metal fans thinking they are progressive and cutting edge and stuff, they just can't see it's crap. The same goes for Triptykon, but Apollyon Sun is kinda cool. Onto the Pandemonium would have been cool, but they'd have needed more silicon tits an' stuff.

Judas Priest is mostly crap, except for Turbo and maybe Rocka Rolla. Listening to them is bad for you, m'kay, because Halford and butt. And, oh, they've ALWAYS sucked live.

Morbid Angel is really, really embarrassing to like, because there was this kid in my class on the 8th grade who was, like, hydrocephalic, and his sister was a total slut, but never paid attention to me, and he liked Blessed Are the Sick and that other album with those citadels on the cover, and he was, like, a retard with neuro-syphilis going on, and only got his training wheels off on the 9th grade.

The Big Four (hehe, more like four tiny thingies hanging there... durrr....) are all crap, and Trivium beats them any day. Pantera was a good thrash band, what a pity they shot Tom Araya dead. Probably with an illegal pistol. I heard the shooter is still wetting his bed in jail. And stuff.

Dio was crap, Black Sabbath is still crap, Dream Theater has never made a credible thrash album, Deep Purple is mostly metalcore and glam, and Mayhem just copied Lady Gaga on Soulside Journey. Fate No Moore was kinda cool, until they found Mike Patton, but he was a total dickwad, and after they made that album with heavy bass sound and that puppet on the cover, I lost interest. Slipknot sucks, all the retro thrash sucks, Manilla Road is a bunch of old geezers and play schlagers, and the British Sabbat sucked from the beginning. The Japanese Sabbat, of course, is just background music for really lame manga scenes. Deströyer 666 is for fucking furries, and Helloween has always been a bunch of queers. They should do, like, Michael Jackson covers. Amorphis has only made the same album about 12 times now with no variation whatsoever, and I hope the dude who runs Bathory gets syphilis, too. Accept sucks, Therion is synth-pop, and Skepticism is even worse on the pop scale, damn Rebekka Plank rip-offs. Candlemass has sucked ever since The Number of the Beast, and Nile is less credible than Rush when it comes to death metal. I also heard from a friend of mine that King Diamond always slips his nuts in a loaded mousetrap before recording vocals, and that Cannibal Corpse has a second set of lyrics which they actually sing (it makes no real difference, since you can't make out the words anyway) that speak of My Little Pony and Mary Poppins.

I lol'd