Jokes & comments

[Chaos#wolf]

THIS TOPIC IS FOR ONLY JOKES AND COMMENTS.!!.!.!. I will do the honours of first joke 

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington, DC. Nothing is moving north or south.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped President Bush, Vice President Chaney, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter. They are demanding a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."

[Chaos#wolf]

A guy is driving when he gets a call from the hospital saying that his father was just in a very bad accident. He races over to the hospital, and he's waiting in the lobby until a doctor comes out, and asks him if he's the son. The son says yes.

"Well, I've got some goods news and bad news. The bad news is that even though your father is alive, his face is horribly scarred so that you'll barely be able to look at him. His brain was severely damaged, so he will not be able to recognize you or speak at all, for that matter. He will have to be fed through a straw, his breathing machine will cost a fortune, and you'll have to change his diapers every day."

The man, distraught, asks the doctor, "Well, doctor, what's the good news?"

The doctor:

"I'm just kidding, he died."

[Chaos#wolf]

So two weasels walk into a bar. After a few drinks, one of them shouts out "I slept with your mother!"
The whole bar goes silent, and everyone is staring at the two weasels. After a moment, the second weasel sighs and turns to the first weasel, exasperated, and says "Dad, you're drunk."

[tomozj]

Wtf?

http://forum.sa-mp.nl/index.php?topic=3627.0.

Locked. Wrong section anyway.